


Song of Sorrows

by Kolhrafn



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Unfinished
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 17:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12258438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kolhrafn/pseuds/Kolhrafn
Summary: The Warrior of Light deals with the betrayal in Ul'Dah





	Song of Sorrows

**Author's Note:**

> My Warrior of Light dealing with the events of Before the Fall, this story is set just before Heavensward so DO NOT READ if you haven't finished A Realm Reborn.  
> I do plan to work more on this, blending it with one of the optional moogle quests.  
> My husband's character, Taishelo, is also mentioned in this story. Because we play the game together there are two Warriors of Light in our headcanon, this story is mostly based around my character though.
> 
> Or, to put it another way, despite the fact that our headcanon has our warriors of Light married I still cannot resist Haurchefant, lovely creature that he is.
> 
> FFXIV and all associated characters belong to Square Enix, I do not own them. Merle and Taishelo belong to their respective owners.

Merle's voice echoed slightly within the stone walls of the intercessory at Camp Dragonhead. She sat on the floor, the Artemis bow propped between her knees, the notes sounding clear as she plucked at the strings.

She let out the emotions that roiled inside her, her grief, her despair at what had happened in Ul'dah. she sang of shadows and fire, of the smell of blood on the wind. She sang of foolish pride courting disaster, of panicked screaming and fighting.The pain in her heart flowed into her voice and the harp's song, echoing from the stone walls. Merle could see that the others in the room were affected by the music yet she didn't care, couldn't care, all she could feel was her agony, ringing in the air.

"By the Twelve Merle! Stop!" Alphinaud exclaimed, getting out of his chair.

Merle stopped singing though her fingers still worked the strings, "I am a bard, my friend, its what I do." She could see the pain her music had drawn out of him and though it brought a twinge of regret it could not calm what writhed inside her.

"There are many ways to regain strength," Lord Haurchefant said, ever her ally, "there is no harm in her song, it is... quite stirring."

"My thanks my lord," she nodded politely, "Alphinaud do you think that I do not hold myself as much to blame as you? I suspected something was amiss, and had done so for a while, yet I was not as diligent as I should have been. Riol warned me that Teledji Adeledji had bribed members of the first and third units of the Braves, yet I went to Ul'dah to join the celebrations rather than look into it as soon as he told me."

"Merle..." Alphinaud shook his head.

"There is more," The tune on the harp became angry, clawed feet racing in the snow, "I could have got all of us out of there, yet I left Raubahn to die at the hands of Ilberd when one arrow could have ended him there! If Papalymo hadn't dropped that gate then it would have been me staying behind and I would have walked out of it.Thancred and Y'shtola would not heed me and run."

"You could not have taken such odds," Alphinaud said gently.

"My husband and I could have held that tunnel against a dragon let alone the brass blades," she retorted.

"Merle and Taishelo are skilled warriors," Haurchefant nodded, "no one can deny that."

"Where is Taishelo?" Alphinaud asked, tactfully changing the subject.

Merle calmed her song at the mention of his name, "He wished to speak to his mentor, the former Azure Dragoon. Something about Estinien."

Haurchefant nodded, "He will not be far then."

"No."

"Merle you cannot blame yourself for the love of your companions," The Ishgardian noble continued, "you came safely here, and your fellow scions will doubtless follow."

"Still... I will return to Thanalan," Merle said softly, "I need to know what is happening."

"Merle!" Alphinaud's eyes widened in horror, "They'll arrest you-"

"They can try," she said flatly. "I have an errand in Drybone and I can find out what the... official story of those events is. If any of the other scions are alive then I must find out."

Alphinaud nodded, "Twelve guide you Merle."

 

Merle stepped outside, immediately shivering convulsively at the drop in temperature. It was easy to appear brave when the anger coursed through her veins, yet now, as she stepped into the snow, that dissipated.

She turned left, not right to head to the courtyard and find her chocobo, heading behind the main building. Merle wanted to be alone, to be unseen.

By the Twelve it _hurt_.

How had this happened? How had their fall been so complete?

Merle shook her head, she did not fear death, nor did she believe that the Brass Blades could capture her. Yet her companions did not have the same strength.

The wind stung her cheeks, it took her a moment to realise that she was crying.

Yda and Papalymo had almost certainly been captured, dragged down by sheer numbers if nothing else, trapped and unable to retreat. Y’shtola, Thancred, and Minfillia, _could_ have escaped. Yet Merle had no idea how to find them, all that she could do was head back to Ul’Dah and try to pick up the trail.

“My friend?”

Merle turned, caught completely unaware she almost reached for her bow, “Haurchefant.”

She was aware how she must look. Pale and cold with reddened eyes and tear-stained cheeks. She turned away from him, not wanting him to see her like this, “Please, leave me alone.”

“How can I my friend?” He asked, wrapping his arms around her. The chainmail he wore was chill and uncomfortable, yet she melted into his embrace nonetheless, shaking with cold and grief. “You and Taishelo… mean a great deal to me.”

Merle looked up, meeting those ernest blue eyes, “You’re in love with us, both of us.”

His eyes widened slightly, “How long have you known?”

She smiled faintly, “After we went to face Shiva… We were told that it took six knights to restrain you and stop you from coming after us. When we came back to Dragonhead you had a huge go at us for being reckless, you tried to hide it by saying that you felt that you were missing out on the glory. Yet I saw it in your eyes and heard it in your voice, you were terrified that we wouldn’t come back. You couldn’t have declared your love more strongly if you’d shouted it from the tower.”

Haurchefant smiled, “I suppose I was a bit emotional, but I couldn’t bear the thought of…” He trailed off, unable to even give voice to such a terrible thought. His embrace tightened slightly, “You can’t stay out here, not with the way you are shivering.”

Merle shook her head, knowing that she was being foolish and not caring, “I don’t want to be around the others,” she meant the Scions, “I just want to be away from all this.”

“Come with me.”

 

 To her surprise Haurchefant led her to his room, a fairly sparse chamber with a large bed and a warm fire. Merle looked around nervously. There was a desk, piled high with unsorted papers, and a large armoire.

Haurchefant wasted no time in leading her to the fire, sitting her down before it and taking a blanket from his bed to wrap around her shoulders.

She thanked him, still shivering, and then watched as her friend stripped off his chainmail and vambraces. Merle had to admit that she felt worried, uncertain of his motives for bringing her to his room. She quickly scolded herself, Haurchefant was her friend and he would never hurt her.

He came back to the fire, sitting beside her, “How do you feel?”

“A little better,” Merle replied, the same words that she always used to stop people from worrying about her.

Haurchefant smiled, draping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her to him, “You’re still cold.”

“Inside and out,” Merle said as she felt herself starting to cry again, her tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt. “I was a fool, to walk so blindly into a trap. Teledji and Lolorito wanted scapegoats for the Sultana’s murder, and we played our parts beautifully.”

“There was nothing you could have done,” Haurchefant stroked her hair, which she seemed to like.

“There was plenty we could have done,” anger bubbled in her tone now, “Taishelo is a skilled alchemist and mage, he was trying to save her. Yet they dragged us away before we could do anything. She was still breathing, there was a chance… but she died because we couldn’t use our skills.”

The knight’s embrace tightened a fraction, “Taishelo should have stayed with you, leaving you alone like this seems wrong to me.”

Merle looked up at him, “But I am not alone, you are here. Taishelo _had_ to go, he had to speak to Alberic urgently. Then he rides for the Shroud to salvage what he can of the Scions’ reputation, I will head for Thanalan to see if I can find our companions. We will reunite in Limsa, and then return here.” Merle could see the understanding in those beautiful eyes, as well as his concern for the absent Taishelo. She rested her head against his chest, feeling her emotions welling within her, and finally broke down.

Haurchefant held her while she wept, running long fingers through her hair and whispering gentle words of comfort. He understood that this was something that the other Scions couldn’t see, their great hero crying out in pain and misery at what had befallen their order. Despite everything he smiled. She had chosen him, trusted him with this rare moment of vulnerability. Knowing that he would keep her safe, comfort her while her body shook in his arms, and that when it was over and they went their separate ways he would say nothing.

Merle looked up at him and seeing those dark eyes so full of agony brought a stab of pain to his own heart.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“What for?”

“Laying this burden on you, you’ve been so kind…”

Haurchefant shook his head, “You and Taishelo are my loves, there is _nothing_ I wouldn’t do for you. Just because neither of you feel the same is no reason to abandon you and let you suffer, I will _always_ be here for you.”

She let out a broken chuckle at his words, putting a hand up to touch his cheek. “Haurchefant,” she whispered, “I _do_ love you, just as I love Taishelo.”

Merle saw his eyes widen; shock, surprise, and pure joy whirling in those cerulean depths. The knight clutched her tightly, as if afraid that she was going to vanish, “I hoped,” he whispered into her ear, “I _hoped_.”

He pulled away slightly, “Taishelo?”

Merle couldn’t bear to look at him, to see those eyes clouded with disappointment, “I’m sorry.”

She felt him shudder, and she wondered how many times he had wished that her husband could have doted on him the way that Taishelo did with her. “I’m sorry,” she said again, “my love.”

Warm fingers tilted her head up and Merle melted against him as Haurchefant touched his lips to hers, seizing her mouth in a deep kiss that seemed to blot out everything else.

When at last they separated the space between them was filled with words, unspoken yet understood.

_This is all we can share, we love him too much to betray him._

 


End file.
